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Perfectionism:
Is It Really Useful?

Perfectionism is a psychological pattern characterized by extreme self-demand, the need to meet unattainable standards, and a deep dissatisfaction with one’s own achievements. Although it is often seen as a virtue or confused with the pursuit of excellence, clinical and empirical evidence shows that perfectionism is associated with a higher risk of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, obsessive disorders, and low self-esteem. Its main characteristics are:

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  • Excessive focus on details and order

  • Excessive control and organization behaviors

  • Exaggerated checking

  • Rigid and unrealistic goals

  • Dichotomous thinking

  • Sense of inadequacy

  • Avoidance of situations with risk of failure

  • Tendency to anticipate or exaggerate the likelihood of negative consequences

 

What characteristics do you identify with? Do you have any examples of how perfectionism manifests itself in your behavior or thoughts? When did you last experience this attitude?

Is there such a thing as “adaptive” perfectionism?

Some approaches differentiate between adaptive perfectionism (linked to performance) and maladaptive perfectionism (associated with emotional distress). However, from a rigorous clinical perspective, this supposed “positive perfectionism” is often a form of rigid self-demand that, while it may lead to visible achievements, carries a high psychological cost. The driving force is not enjoyment or genuine growth, but fear of failure, disappointment, or losing control.

For example, a person who gets top grades or achieves high professional success may appear functional. But if they live with constant anxiety, fear of mistakes, and a chronic sense of inadequacy, what we’re seeing is not health, but suffering hidden behind performance. The problem with “adaptive perfectionism” is that it normalizes dysfunctional behavior patterns simply because they produce results (high grades, professional success, etc.), without considering the emotional cost.

Perfectionism is not the same as striving for excellence. The key difference lies in flexibility and purpose. A healthy pursuit of excellence is based on personal values, accepts mistakes as part of the process, does not tie self-worth to performance, and fosters well-being and growth. Perfectionism, on the other hand, is rigid, driven by fear or extreme self-demand, conditional, generates anxiety, blockage, and self-criticism, and is often guided by a harsh, relentless inner voice. Do you still believe in “adaptive” perfectionism?

Outcome Orientation vs. Process Orientation

Another important aspect of perfectionism is how it relates to the type of motivation: Are you outcome-oriented or process-oriented?

  • When you go skiing, do you care more about getting from the top of the mountain to the base station or about the descent itself?

  • When you study something, do you focus on passing your exams and getting the diploma, or on the learning process?

  • When exercising, do you have an ideal image of your body in mind or do you enjoy the activity itself?

  • If you paint or write, do you care more about the final result being perfect or about enjoying the act of creating?

If you chose the first options, you're more outcome-oriented—this is typical of perfectionists. But it’s not necessarily the best choice: how long does the pleasure last after you reach the base station, get the diploma, achieve a certain body weight, or finish a painting or story? It’s always shorter than the process of getting there. So, which orientation do you think would bring you more satisfaction: outcome or process?

A Clear Therapeutic Goal

In psychotherapy, the goal is not to "eliminate" aspirations, but to work so that they’re not dictated by fear or self-destructive standards. Letting go of perfectionism doesn't mean settling; it means freeing yourself from pressure that leads not to well-being, but to emotional exhaustion.

Types of Thoughts:

1. Dichotomous Thinking (Black or White / All or Nothing):

Your thinking is polarized: you see only extremes, no shades or nuances. I give you some examples of typical perfectionist thoughts in this category:

  • "Either I do it perfectly or I don't even try."

  • "If I make a mistake, I'm a failure."

  • "Work is useless if it's not perfect."

  • "If I'm criticized, then everything I do is wrong."

  • "If everything doesn't go according to my plan, it's a disaster."

  • "If I'm not the best, I'm worthless."

  • "It's either a total success or a total failure."

This type of thinking is known as the cognitive distortion called Polarized Thinking.

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2. “It’s Not Enough”, “I’m Not Enough”, "It can be better" or "I could have done better" thoughts: These often stem from early patterns of comparison, either from others or self-imposed, which reinforce a feeling of inadequacy. It’s the main thought that leads to frustration and lack of satisfaction.

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3. Demands and Obligations (“I have to” and “I must”): You demand too much from yourself, leaving no room for error. You impose rigid limits that are often completely arbitrary. Who said you have to get a perfect score, be the best swimmer, keep your room spotless, or always arrive on time? Here are some concrete examples:

  • "I have to always be productive because otherwise I'm wasting my time."

  • "My body has to be perfect."

  • "Everything has to be under control, no exceptions."

  • "The room has to be completely clean."

Here we are talking about an attitude, but you can see more examples of the cognitive distortion called Perfectionism.

Real-Life Examples of Clinical Perfectionism

Here are some common examples I encounter in clinical practice:

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  • A writer never finishes their book because they’re constantly editing the draft.

  • A graphic designer or programmer keeps refining projects, even in their personal time, trying to make them perfect—despite no such demand from the company.

  • A restaurant manager constantly cleans and inspects the already spotless windows.

  • A chef endlessly tweaks recipes.

  • Someone follows strict diets and exercises excessively to achieve an ideal body image that doesn’t exist.

  • People with low self-esteem or lack of self-acceptance who constantly change their appearance.

  • People who repeatedly say, “I’m not enough,” “It could be better,” “This isn’t good enough,” etc.

 

As a result, these individuals invest a great deal of time, energy, and resources in what they do, but do not experience the expected satisfaction. Emotionally, the consequences often include anxiety, frustration, anger, helplessness, and burnout.

A radical example of clinical perfectionism is a person with anorexia nervosa: they exercise non-stop, avoid eating, feel frustrated and anxious, and have low self-acceptance, constantly chasing a “perfect” weight goal that keeps shifting (50 kg, 45 kg, 40 kg, etc.). This unreachable ideal can become life-threatening. Since perfection doesn’t exist, we subject ourselves to all these negative consequences.

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Do you think it’s worth living under all these conditions?

Techniques and Strategies for Perfectionism

The first option is to attend therapy to work on cognitive restructuring and attitude changes. Beyond that, you can reduce the level of perfectionism through various strategies:

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1. Behavioral Experiments and Exposure: This strategy tests whether the imagined negative consequences actually occur. It also helps you get used to feared situations, which reduces anxiety. You can use a hierarchy of situations or stimuli. The goal isn’t just to perform the experiment, but to observe and analyze its real consequences. For example:

  • If I’m writing a website (as I’m doing now), I try not to endlessly edit the draft or keep reviewing it after already checking it once.

  • If I feel the need to clean windows daily, I try skipping a day or leaving a visible smudge.

  • I write the draft, revise it once, and then send it.

  • If I follow an overly strict diet, I try eating a food I’ve forbidden myself.

  • If I work out excessively, I try skipping a gym session or going at a different time.

You can read more about behavioral experiments here.

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2. Perspective-Taking. This technique involves stepping outside the rigid, self-centered view of perfectionism to see the situation from another point of view. The goal is to promote flexible thinking, reduce self-criticism, and challenge the idea that “there’s only one right way to do things.”

Ask yourself: How would other people see this situation? Would everyone react the same way? Here are some examples:

  • You’re writing a report and feel it needs five more revisions to be “presentable.” Ask yourself: Would my colleague or boss do the same? Would they think it’s bad if I submit it as it is now? Would they even notice the same “flaws” I do?

  • You cooked for guests and feel upset because it wasn’t perfect. Imagine you were the guest—would you notice the same imperfections, or just appreciate the gesture and effort?

  • You think you can’t post your art on social media because it’s “not good enough.” Ask yourself: How would someone less critical view it? What would a friend or someone who cares about me say? Would I demand from others what I demand from myself?

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3. Setting Limits. One consequence of perfectionism is the inability to finish what you’re doing, which can seriously affect your well-being. Setting limits on time, effort, or number of revisions helps stop the endless spiral of corrections, doubt, or overexertion. It’s not about doing things poorly, but about defining a realistic endpoint to avoid paralysis by perfection. For example:

  • When preparing a presentation, decide in advance how many times you’ll review it (e.g., no more than twice). After that, commit to not editing it further.

  • You obsess over editing photos before posting. Set a rule: “I’ll only apply one filter and adjust the lighting once.”

  • When cleaning the house, decide to spend only 30 minutes and not mop the same area more than once.

  • When taking notes for class or work, you tend to rewrite them to make them look neat. Set a rule: edit only once or spend no more than 10 minutes.

  • If you’re designing a visual project or report (e.g., as a designer), use a timer and decide: “I’ll make changes until 6:00 PM. After that, I won’t touch it again.”

 

4. Goal Examination. Use reflective questions to evaluate whether your goals are rigid, extreme, counterproductive, unrealistic, or useful. Ask yourself:

  • Do my goals bring me real benefits?

  • Am I actually able to achieve them?

  • Are my standards higher than those of others?

  • Do I feel frustrated, angry, or upset if I don’t fully reach my objectives?

  • Would it be possible to lower my standards? What would be the advantages and disadvantages?

 

5. Promoting a Shift in Thinking Toward Flexibility, Realism, and Functionality
You can create an attitude-change plan through a sequence of behavioral experiments. For example, if you work in IT:

  • In the first week: Don’t reply to emails after 6:00 PM.

  • In the second: Set a predefined time limit for a project.

  • In the third: Stop working at 6:00 PM.

  • In the fourth: Send an email without excessive reviewing, even if it’s not perfect.

If your perfectionism is related to your body:

  • In the first week: Weigh yourself only once.

  • In the second: Skip a gym session.

  • In the third: Eat a “forbidden” food.

  • In the fourth: Limit how often you check your body in the mirror—just once a day.

Examples of thoughts that reflect a healthier, more flexible mindset:

  • My relationship doesn’t have to be perfect all the time. Difficult and conflicting moments are part of any relationship process.

  • Making mistakes is part of learning and growing. Everyone makes mistakes.

  • A work of art cannot be objectively perfect because “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

  • Beauty standards are always changing and are subjective.

  • It’s okay if I don’t submit my project exactly on time.

 

6. Evidence-Based Evaluation and Analysis of Alternatives
This strategy complements the previous one. You can weigh the pros and cons of alternative approaches and analyze them. It’s important to engage your rational side during this analysis to avoid bias

Final Reflection

Perfectionism is not a sign of strength but a trap disguised as excellence. Learning to accept imperfection is, paradoxically, one of the healthiest paths toward well-being and personal growth. If you feel that your standards are doing you more harm than good, it’s time to reconsider them. What's stopping you from starting psychological therapy to help you change your perfectionistic attitudes?

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